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I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. - Galatians 2:20 What can I say that you don't know already... I lift my voice and my guitar to praise Him. I am someone who has been broken, but by the grace of God I have been redeemed. I have learned that outside of God I cannot do anything good. I live for Christ the creator of the universe, the one who has all things and yet considers me His Beloved. I pray that when you meet me you won't see me ...but you will see Jesus. I'm very honest, I could say I wear my heart on my sleeve ...but I don't for HE holds my heart and guards it :) Our God knows every part that we won't forgive... and tells us that He has already paid for the death that we deserve... He Loves you and He loves me ...and He would rather die than to live without us! He is my father, my beloved my everything. It is because of Him that I live. And I am forever HIS.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Not self-reliant but all sufficiency from Christ

For quite some time now, I’ve entered a place where confidence, identity and self-worth were measured by what I could offer on my own accord. Talents, appearance, job standing, stability, and the list goes on. I confess this to be my personal habitual sin, however this time around I dug myself deeper into the slimy pit He once rescued me from. I found it to be dark, yet comforting, YES I said it COMFORTING. Darkness can bring forth comfort because it blinds you from looking at your own sin.  I believed the lies, you know the ones that shake you to the core, the ones that make you stumble and fall, the ones that leave you broken, wounded and scarred because they bind you until you cannot move, speak, or breathe. I had forgotten about the healer of all, the one that moves mountains, and caused breath into life. 

The Lord used a wonderful dear friend today.  I admire her love towards those around her as she shared with me what it truly looks like to be self-reliant on the LORD alone. How painful it can become to rely on our own flesh and efforts. But oh how glorious and freeing it can be to rely on the Lord alone, on His redeeming blood and good works.

Today I read 2 Corinthians Chapter 3

The veil from my eyes once again lifted as I read
Such is the confidence that we have through Christ toward God.  Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God,  who has made us sufficient to be ministers of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit. For the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life."  -2 Corinthians Chapter 3:4-6

Oh how it echoed CONFIDENCE through CHRIST toward GOD …. Nothing coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God.  

My desire is that we would be women who rise to glorify Him daily, that through prayer accountability and love we would not yield to deceitful lies but battle united against the devils schemes. We are the body, we wear His armor we are given His Spirit which is constantly praying over us. We have been given much and in our weakness He is our strong defender, provider, protector.

JESUS has not forgotten me; Beloved HE has not forgotten you.  

Friday, March 8, 2013

To Love is to be vulnerable...

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, and irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable." -C.S. Lewis

The word vulnerable what does that even mean?
         By definition to be vulnerable is to be exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally:

Synonym words for vulnerability: accessible, defenseless, exposed, NAKED, sensitive, sucker, susceptible, tender, thin-skinned, UNGUARDED, UNPROTECTED, UNSAFE, WEAK, wide open.

Antonyms: closed, guarded, protected, safe, secure

I don’t know about you but to me the antonyms for vulnerability sound pretty appealing. I enjoy feeling protected, safe and secure, who doesn't?

A few months ago I came across C.S. Lewis infamous quote. These words have been stuck in my head for quite some time now, “To Love is to be vulnerable”… What does that mean? How do I apply it, better yet how do I apply this without getting hurt, without being exposed? A question that was asked today pressed a heavy conviction upon my heart. “What do you struggle with, relationship wise, what is your struggle?”
My response: being honest, being vulnerable… refusing to share, refusing to speak because of fear…fear of rejection, fear of embarrassment, fear of being too honest, fear of getting disappointed or hurt, and letting people see me, letting people see my heart and the list of excuses goes on….

Recently I’ve been amazed in the reaction I get from my brothers and sisters when I share, “Wow Jocelyn I did not know, I had no idea.” When I share I assume people know what I’m about to tell them, I assume people can see right through me, I never realized I had constructed layers of lies around me… walls that are secure, nothing bad can get in… but that means nothing good can’t get in either, nothing good will pour out.  

     “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Proverbs 4:23

I've accomplished something I thought was good I “Wrapped my heart carefully with hobbies and little luxuries; avoided all entanglements. I locked it up safe in the casket of my own selfishness.” What lies in a coffin is dead, dark, motionless, airless, it will change, it will become corroded even more. Yes it will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, and irredeemable.

If my desire is for GOD to break my heart for what breaks His, If my desire is for God to penetrate my soul, if my desire is for God to redeem all of me, then I must be vulnerable to it. Its messy and painful. If our desire is for others to know God and experience His love we must prepare to walk in His path, the path that very much inflicted pain, the path that carried much suffering and betrayal, the path that demonstrated LOVE.  Vulnerability is not weakness; it is strength, strength made victorious through His Mercy and Grace.

Beloved to Love is to be vulnerable. 
Beloved you are loved by the one who was, by the one who is in constant pursue of you. 

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

The Instrument of My Dreams

Let Your Glory Be over All the Earth

57 Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me,
    for in you my soul takes refuge;
in the shadow of your wings 
I will take refuge,
    till the storms of destruction pass by.
I cry out to God Most High,
    to God who fulfills his purpose for me.
He will send from heaven and save me;
    he will put to shame him who tramples on me. Selah
God will send out his steadfast love and his faithfulness!
My soul is in the midst of lions;
    I lie down amid fiery beasts—
the children of man, whose teeth are spears and arrows,
    whose tongues are sharp swords.
Be exalted, O God, above the heavens!
    Let your glory be over all the earth!
They set a net for my steps;
    my soul was bowed down.
They dug a pit in my way,
    but they have fallen into it themselves. Selah
My heart is steadfast, O God,
    my heart is steadfast!
I will sing and make melody!
    Awake, my glory!
Awake, O harp and lyre!
    I will awake the dawn!
I will give thanks to you, O Lord, among the peoples;
    I will sing praises to you among the nations.
10 For your steadfast love is great to the heavens,
    your faithfulness to the clouds.
11 Be exalted, O God, above the heavens!
 Let your glory be over all the earth!

Some of you may ask, "ummm what in the world is a hammered dulcimer?"

To be honest I didn't know such an instrument existed until I saw it in a day dream. As I was in complete worship, everything suddenly became white, in this dream I was in a white music room and a great light was holding my hands as I played an instrument I'd never seen before. Since then I wanted so much with my whole being to worship God with this instrument I had seemed to fabricate in my mind. The only way I could describe it is by simply stating what I tell most as I try to explain what it looks like,  "A hammered dulcimer! I want one it looks like a  harp and a xylophone had a baby."

I did not even try to ask people if such an instrument existed. One evening as I was listening and looking at music videos on YouTube, I saw that Brandon Heath and Third Day collaborated in a song called CREED. I clicked play and there it was, a sound that resonated a joyful heartbeat, I sound I was drawn to.
I did not know what it was until a few seconds into the video, that's when I saw and heard the instrument of my dreams.

I could not believe it! It does exist!  "what do you call that?" I asked,  comments on the webpage mentioned the name "Hammered Dulcimer". I've never heard of such a thing, and so I researched it. I was in awe with what I found. .

"The hammered dulcimer sounds much like a piano and drums put together. It is both melodic and percussive by nature. It carries an ancient sound." According to history/GOOGLE =P the ancient origins of the dulcimer are undoubtedly in the Near East, where instruments of this type have been made and played for perhaps 5000 years. Yup,  "THIS INSTRUMENT IS OOOOOLD!"

Originally, the name dulcimer comes from the Latin and Greek words Dulce and melos, which combine to mean "sweet tune." 

 I think that is why I liked it so much in the first place, the hammered dulcimer carries the sound from long ago.  I told my friend Danielle about the instrument of my dreams with such confusion in that I had no idea why I would want to play an instrument that no one else plays anymore.., it's medieval I said. Then with a smile she said something that pierced my heart with truth, "GOD MAKES EVERYTHING NEW". 

He does make everything new! He is making me new everyday... 

He has me in a season much like when I first came to Christ. The first thing I did was bow down in worship. In that first year HE taught me how to play guitar, to worship Him alone and have confidence in HIM alone.

I am overwhelmed as to how and when He will teach me to play this instrument.  What melodies will HE inspire? My desire is to trust in Him alone as He leads my heart in making a joyful sound.

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him." -Psalm 28:7

Friday, December 28, 2012

Idol Hearts

Ezekiel 14:3 

Idolaters Condemned

14 Some of the elders of Israel came to me and sat down in front of me. Then the word of the Lord came to me: “Son of man, these men have set up idols in their hearts and put wicked stumbling blocks before their faces. Should I let them inquire of me at all? Therefore speak to them and tell them, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: When any of the Israelites set up idols in their hearts and put a wicked stumbling block before their faces and then go to a prophet, I the Lord will answer them myself in keeping with their great idolatry. I will do this to recapture the hearts of the people of Israel, who have all deserted me for their idols.’
“Therefore say to the people of Israel, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Repent! Turn from your idols and renounce all your detestable practices!

Ezekiel tells us that we all are "idols of the heart". 

Jeremiah tells us that "The heart is DECEITFUL above all things, and DESPERATELY sick, who can understand it? -Jeremiah 17:9

In Psalm 37:8  Says "Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil."

Fret meaning: To produce a hole or worn spot in; corrode. Or to disturb the surface of (water or a stream); agitate. Defining this allowed me to understand Proverbs 20:5 "The purposes of a man's heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out." Our hearts can eat themselves away, our hearts have invisible idols that we cannot see because they act out like deep waters. 

We have corroded hearts, hearts that so easily draw away from God the moment we stop seeking  his face.

The moment we choose to trust and fear, in something or someone outside of Christ is the moment we've made idols in our hearts. The moment we find comfort in something outside of God, we've created an altar in our hearts where our invisible god's dwell and are made much of.

For me its control, and pleasing people, friendships,ME  <----- "That's what God has shown me recently". He knows how much I can take ....I'm pretty sure there are more idols that in time he will reveal and kill. 

Dee Bresten once said "Leaders know how things should be run and even when they pray they tell God how to do it."

Like a child I go to God and show him a painting ...doodles actually,  of how HE the Creator of the created should run my life, and the lives of other people.  "Secretly I think he puts that drawing on HIS fridge and calls it precious..." Because He loves me. 

I lay upon friendships an unhealthy weight of expectation... CONDITIONAL? Unfortunately  yes.

In the deepness of my heart lies the idol of ME... who thinks she deserves more because of what she's been through, because of what she's sacrificed, because of what she has done.

A corroded heart...like David, but when rebuked by Nathan we see that repentance that Ezekiel talks about through PSALM 51 CREATE in ME a CLEAN HEART 

Lines 16-17 
You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
    you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit;
    a broken and contrite heart
    you, God, will not despise.

Understanding this was hard and PAINFUL
I felt beaten, like a failure, broken because I had failed my first Love. 

And all he said was Repent...That's what I had to do... along with asking for forgiveness.

I WILL RECAPTURE her HEART -He Promised...
I will allure her into the wilderness he told her.
I will love her. He died and rose again!

I could not grasp, I could not understand why He could love us ...why he would continue loving me...
And then It hit me. God's Love is not dependent on us...But I am ...
I am dependent on others thoughts, words, and actions towards me, when I am called to be dependent on GOD alone.

My heart is a factory maker of idols ... 
What do I trust? Jesus....and people.  
What do I fear, El que diran... translation.. What would people say ?
What brings me comfort? Affirmation. 

There is the hope, that I in Christ's strength can overcome.

Ask me again 
Who do I trust? Yahweh
Who do I fear? The Creator
Who comforts me? JESUS

You're not alone ... In this
My Brother, my sister, you are not alone. 

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Welcome in...

Open Heart… What is an open heart? Is it one that shares everything with everyone, or one that is selective on how it pours out? I’ve asked myself this question many times before, “Don’t I usually wear my heart on my sleeve?” The answer is no.  Even though I pour out I have to battle and understand that there is a very thin line that sometimes I don’t see myself crossing but I do. My whole desire is to please the Lord and to pour out in service to others, how could I not with knowing what He has done. Recently, however, it's seems as though I’ve been playing hopscotch with the intentions of my heart.    
As I was talking to my friend over a study session he asked me why I didn't not blog my thoughts, my response shocked me when I said, "I'm afraid of what people might do to my heart. Afraid...I'm afraid? As I said that, God's word reminded me, "Don't be afraid of those who want to kill your body; they cannot touch your soul. Fear only God, who can destroy both soul and body in hell. -Matthew 10:28"  In my service to others, I realized I'm pouring out in action because I love, only because He has loved me first but in that service I have not been receiving. Get ready for some visual aid: It's as if I have a room filled with amazing toys and I want to give them to others, and in order to give, I slightly open the door and put the toys outside for others to receive. I don't keep that door opened, I am more guarded than I thought I was. And as a result that room was becoming empty. 

In my desire to feel the approval of others I've allowed  people to hold my heart instead of Jesus. Jeremiah 17:9 tells us "The heart is deceitful above all things
 and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?" I was not trusting God with friendships and relationships, because there was a blurry line that I had crossed. I had the misconception that in order to trust people I had to open my heart and let people hold it to let others in. How can I do this when my heart is still recovering from spiritual surgery. But that's just it, it dawned on me that an open heart can be guarded by the one who holds the world in His Mighty Hands. In Jesus there is security and there is comfort. So here is my opened heart for you, because I'm called to let you in, and let you see what the Lord is doing in my life and how intricate His hands work in healing and binding wounds. Only HE can repair, only He can mold, and only through Him can all things be made new. 

Jeremiah 12:3 But you oh Lord, you see me, and you test my Heart towards You. 

Thank you for reading my thoughts. 
<3 His Jocelyn